Ramblings on

Went directly to the pond o' bass last night after work and scored 1.  1.  That's ok, I still had a huge smile across my mug and the beavers kept me company.  There are at least 4 now, 2 of which are juveniles who DO NOT fear humans at all.  They swim within 5' of me on the bank and just watch me with curiosity.  I fear that someone is going to discover them and trap them out, which would most likely ruin my bass hole...we shall see.



The cold is coming.  It is right around the corner, so I need to get my coal ordered and in the bin and my wood stacked up. 

The new meds are playing with me a little bit, I am hoping I can adapt to it and even out but right now I am on an up and down roller coaster of craziness.  I have great ups and terrible downs and I panic, despite being on meds to stop it, I still do.  Beta-blockers just slow you down, like in that phone commercial, and when you want your heart to jack, like when you hike up a steep ass hill to your car after fishing or you are hammering out your yoga, beta-blockers make your heart just want to do it's own thing.  It feels yucky.  Numb.



I think I will fish Friday.  Not sure where, but somewhere.  I have excelled much better and MUCH quicker then was expected of me at my new position at work, so I am being handed the next challenge.  Bring it.  I will meet it head on and conquer it.  I have stared the Grim Reaper down face to face and came out the other side stronger, smarter, and a better man. 

 

If you are waiting for some kind of special day to start being a better man, a better dad, and better human being, let me be the first to tell you that YOU are running out of time.  All of our clocks are ticking, so make it count.  Every second of every fucking day MAKE IT COUNT.  Don't try to be a better man, BE A BETTER MAN.  BE A BETTER DAD.  BE A BETTER HUSBAND.  BE A BETTER FRIEND.  Don't try.  Don't make an attempt.  There is no TRY when it comes to your kids our your spouse.  There is right NOW.  Don't give me this I am going to try and be a better dad.  That makes me sick to my stomach.  One day you will we laying in your grave with your grieving children standing around you.  What do you want them to say?  To think?  "Well, at least dad tried to be a better dad!"

 

Fuck your hobbies.  Fuck your training.  Fuck your 1000 pound squat record.  Fuck your Mercedes Benz.  Fuck your Friday night drink fests with the boys.  Be a dad NOW.  You made the most expensive, life changing choice in the world, no live up to it and own up to it.

 



There is a lot I want to do before I leave this earth, and I will do it all with my children by my side.  I will live long enough to watch them grow to be responsible adults with amazing careers, amazing kids of their own, and living the lives they want to live.  That will make me a happy man.

Just give me that time.  That is all I can ask for.