Death and moving forward

Unfortunately, I can now say that I am among the small percentage of people who have died and came back.  Let me say, I saw nothing.  No lights.  No nothing.  Just peace...the absence of everything...then a shock went through my body thanks to my defib and I was back among the living.  That happened August 31st at about 7 pm, and I will never, ever forget it.  I had just finished a deadlift workout, ate some supper, and sat down with a kid on each lap to watch some ESPN and the lights went out.  I had 14 seconds of ventricular flutter, and the docs said had I not had an internal defib implanted, I would have no doubt died.  It was as serious as it could have been...dirt nap serious.

Death opens your eyes.  It changes you.  I makes you scared, confused, panicked, and damn near insane.  It also makes you live every second of the day like it is your last.  It makes you enjoy Xbox with your wife, fishing at your favorite lake (whether they are biting or not) and every single second of your kids.  EVERY second.  The crying, the whining, the diapers, everything.

When i wake up I look over at my wife and just thank God that I can still do that.  I walk outside and smell the air and thank God I can do that.  I hug my family tight and thank God that I am not being buried today...

So now we attack with vigor exactly why it happened and what to do about it.  I have changed heart doctors and I now drive 3 hours 1 way to see a great guy at The Cleveland Clinic who spent a half hour with me going over our options.  Our medication therapy, our improving my pacing synchronized to make sure I am at 98-99%, our strengthening my heart muscle to 30 or more percent to make me feel great and avoid my heart stopping again.  He was awesome, and we are working together now as a team to make sure I get the best damn care I can get.  No more waiting for the next shoe to fall, it is time to take this bull by the horns and get me another 40 or more!  We are starting with some serious meds, upping them every few weeks, and if I dont show great improvement, we are headed back into my chest to attack the cells that are acting crazy and making these beats fire.  My new doc is young and ready to fix me and allow me to live a full, awesome life.

No more weights.  I have been cut off.  He wants me biking, jogging, swimming, and doing other cardio based exercise.  I have the DDP Yoga full DVD pack in route as well.  I will be exercising for the first time in my life and not training, and to tell you the truth, I am FINE with it.  LIVIN' is priority number 1.  My KIDS are priority number 1. 

Also fishing will take precedence.  LOTS and LOTS of fishing all over the US.  I cant wait.

Let start this new chapter.  Lets get back on this bull and ride this sum bitch until it bucks.  Lets RAGE against the dying of the light.

"Once more into the fry...
Into the last great fight I will ever know...
Live and die on this day...
Live and die on this day..."

Bring it on.